Reflecting on time, wellness, and making room for grief
by Stevie Lewis
Time is brief.
October is the month that I lost my father to esophageal cancer. Time passed quickly as his body moved from the season of summer to winter at a breakneck pace – although when it comes to death there is rarely, if ever, a pace that feels “right.” His death occurred almost exactly two years before I was also diagnosed with a different form of cancer. Time didn’t move so fast then, when it was happening to me; instead, time stopped.
This blog post is not about my father nor about my illness, but I tell you of both to introduce the concepts of grief and wellness, and to ask you to consider the brief nature of our time here.
You are a young professional in the nonprofit field, and life is too short to not acknowledge the urgent need for your health and wellness (both physical and mental) to become a priority if it isn’t already.
Everyone is on their own journey and has their own identities. I don’t presume to know yours, and in recognition of that I will not offer specific suggestions, as what works for me may not be possible for you.
I will instead use this space to offer some ideas for you to consider as you reflect on your own plan for wellness. Feel free to use the comments section to start a conversation or, if you want, bring these questions to your workplace team to consider.
Grief is real.
I write this article at a strange time in our world. We have collectively – globally – felt a tremendous, ongoing trauma since 2020. Family members, friends, coworkers, and partners are gone. As of this month, the COVID-19 pandemic has taken over 6,500,000 lives worldwide.
Grief is real. It can present mentally and physically in a variety of damaging ways that are individual to each person.
I ask you to make room to acknowledge any grief that you may be feeling, big or small.
If you are one of the many people directly impacted by COVID-19, whether through the death of someone important to you or as a person feeling the effects of Long COVID, have you had the time you need to process what has happened? Will there ever be enough time?
Community is strength.
Your wellness is not all on your own shoulders. Although financially motivated industries around us tout “self-care” as the gold standard for wellness, when we think of wellness, we should consider the importance of community.
A community can be formed around identities, common goals, geographic location, interests, and even a shared workplace. As many of our days are spent working, I would argue that this is one of the most influential communities on our wellness and capacity to accept change. To process grief, if necessary.
Think of how your place in community can influence your own wellness, and how you can make room for healing and grief through the immense shifts occurring globally.
What communities are you a part of?
How do these communities influence your physical, mental, and/or spiritual wellness?
Do you find joy in these communities?
If not, why do you remain? Is the reason social, financial, or out of some other obligation?
More conversations have been happening around community care. As mentioned previously, there is a lot of privilege that can go into who has the time and resources to practice self-care. Alicia A. Wallace writes in Heathline about six ways to prioritize community care; I recommend reading her article for a more in-depth explanation of each of the following suggestions:
Check in regularly (and intentionally); Empathize; Make a specific offer; Prioritize rest; Socialize, for real; Intervene (when you witness harassment, discrimination, and/or microaggressions).
Ask yourself how you will you intentionally prioritize community care in the coming days.
Workplace communities are important.
Think about what the culture of your workplace community is like.
Is it possible to sometimes take a half or full day off work to spend how you wish?
Do you feel that your supervisor cares about your physical and mental wellbeing?
If not, will this workplace be sustainable for your health and growth as a person?
If you have the ability to actively influence change in your organization, I recommend that you also read this Harvard Business Review article with some suggestions on how to Stop Framing Wellness Programs Around Self-Care. There are two headings that I want to draw your attention to:
Principles for Creating the Foundations of Workplace Well-Being (Frame adversity as belonging to the collective, and create and foster relational pauses)
You Can Talk About Emotions at Work
Consider the following as you think about your own workplace:
Does your team, supervisor, and/or other coworker(s) show empathy when things are difficult for others?
Do they frame individuals’ struggles as something the entire team is facing?
How does this make you feel?
Does your team, supervisor, and/or other coworker(s) engage in conversation around emotionally impactful events that occur at work?
Does this make you feel comfortable? Uncomfortable?
Where do you think your reaction to this come from?
Do you feel comfortable talking about how workplace events make you feel?
What can we do?
Perhaps you are not able to prioritize our own wellness. You may be a full-time caregiver or simply not have the resources to focus on your wellness. I acknowledge there is privilege that comes with having the time and ability to do so. Systems are built to keep us working, moving from one task to the next without question.
Many of the most popularly shared self-care techniques also have a price tag; we’re told to purchase a face mask, go to a spa, or buy a bullet journal. As I wrote earlier, I don’t have the answer for everyone’s personal situation.
I recommend, however, if you’re someone who is reading this who does have the resource of time and the ability to do so: consider, once more, how you will prioritize community care? Consider how you can be there for your community – whether that is in the workplace, your neighborhood, amongst your friends, or in a place of worship.
Time passes quickly, and grief can greatly affect our minds and bodies. It’s okay to bring emotions into the workplace to engage in wellness practices. Our communities are a source of healing, and community care is an essential wellness practice.
- Stevie Lewis -
